When the Holidays Feel More Stressful Than Magical: Managing Anxiety During the Season
It's supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year." But if you're feeling more anxious than excited about the upcoming holidays, you're not alone—and there's nothing wrong with you.
The truth is, the holidays can be incredibly stressful. Between managing multiple family obligations, navigating complicated family dynamics, dealing with loss or grief, and trying to meet everyone's expectations, it's no wonder so many people feel overwhelmed instead of joyful.
And then there's the pressure to act like everything is merry and bright, even when you're exhausted, anxious, or emotionally drained. When everyone around you seems to be loving the holiday season, it can feel isolating to admit that you're struggling.
If you're dreading the holidays more than looking forward to them, this post is for you. Let's talk about why the holidays trigger so much anxiety, and more importantly, how you can manage it so you can actually enjoy this season on your own terms.
Why the Holidays Are So Anxiety-Inducing
Before we dive into coping strategies, I’ll just say what you’re experiencing is valid as hell. The holidays aren't stressful because you're doing something wrong. They're stressful because they come with a unique set of challenges:
The pressure of competing obligations. If you have a partner, there's the stress of whose family to visit when, how to split time fairly, and managing the guilt or disappointment from whoever gets less time. Even without a partner, there are friends, extended family, work events, and social gatherings all competing for your attention.
Navigating difficult family dynamics. Maybe you have a family member who always makes critical comments, there's unresolved conflict that everyone pretends doesn't exist, your boundaries aren't respected, or you feel like you revert back to old family roles the moment you walk in the door. (Inner monologue to self when pulling into parents driveway…”I’m a grown ass adult, I’m a grown ass adult…”).
Grief hits harder during the holidays. If you've lost someone you love, the holidays can feel like a painful reminder of their absence. Empty chairs at the table, traditions that feel incomplete. Grief doesn't take a holiday break.
The expectation to be happy. There's this unspoken rule that you're supposed to be grateful, joyful, and full of holiday cheer. When you're not feeling it, the guilt and shame can make everything worse.
Financial stress. Between gifts, travel, hosting, and all the other expenses, the holidays can strain your budget and add another layer of anxiety.
Lack of control over your schedule. Your routine gets disrupted, self-care falls by the wayside, and suddenly you're running on fumes trying to keep up with everything.
If any of this resonates, please hear this: Your feelings are valid. You're not being dramatic, ungrateful, or "too sensitive." The holidays are genuinely hard for many people, and it's okay to acknowledge that.
Start by Getting Clear on What You Actually Want
Before you can manage holiday anxiety, you need to know what you're working toward. Take some time to ask yourself:
How do I want to feel during the holidays?
Not how you think you should feel, but how you actually want to feel. Peaceful? Connected to people you love? Rested? Present? There's no right answer, just your answer.
What would make this season feel manageable?
Maybe it's having more downtime between events, limiting time with certain family members, or saying no to some invitations without guilt. Get specific about what would actually help.
What traditions or activities actually bring me joy?
Sometimes we do things out of obligation or because "we've always done it this way." But what do you genuinely enjoy? What feels meaningful versus what feels like going through the motions? It can always be fun to start a new tradition!
What am I willing to let go of?
You can't do everything, be everywhere, and please everyone. What are you willing to release this year? What's just not worth the stress?
Getting clear on your answers to these questions gives you a compass for making decisions throughout the season.
Setting Boundaries (Even When It Feels Impossible)
Boundaries are essential for managing holiday anxiety, but they're also one of the hardest things to implement, especially with family.
Here's what to remember: Setting a boundary isn't mean. It's self-preservation.
Some boundaries might look like:
Limiting how long you stay at a family gathering
Deciding in advance which events you'll attend and which you'll skip
Saying no to hosting if it feels overwhelming
Letting your partner handle communication with their family about plans
Choosing not to engage in certain conversations or topics
Leaving an event early if you need to
The key is to be clear and direct. You don't need to over-explain or justify your boundaries. "We're only able to stay for a few hours" or "We've decided to keep our plans simple this year" are complete sentences.
Dealing with the Guilt and Pushback
Here's the hard part: when you set boundaries, people might not like it. Family members might express disappointment, make guilt-inducing comments, or try to change your mind.
This is where tolerating discomfort becomes crucial. Their disappointment doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. It just means they're having feelings about your decision and that's okay. You can care about their feelings while still honoring your needs.
Some phrases that might help:
"I know you're disappointed, and I understand. This is what works best for us this year."
"I hear you, and I've given this a lot of thought. This is the decision we're going with."
"I can tell this is hard for you. It's not meant to hurt anyone—I just need to take care of myself."
Remember: Guilt is often a sign that you're breaking an old pattern. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means you're doing something different—and that takes courage.
Practical Strategies for Managing Holiday Anxiety
Beyond boundaries, here are some concrete ways to manage anxiety throughout the season:
Build in buffer time. Don't schedule back-to-back events. Give yourself space to decompress, recharge, and process.
Keep some of your routine. Even if your schedule is chaotic, try to maintain small anchors such as enjoying your morning coffee ritual, taking a walk, or a few minutes of quiet before bed.
Have an exit strategy. If you're going to an event that might be stressful, plan ahead for how you'll take breaks or leave early if needed. Just knowing you have an out can reduce anxiety.
Communicate with your partner. If you're navigating family dynamics together, check in regularly. Talk about what's working, what's not, and how you can support each other.
Lower your expectations. The holidays don't have to be perfect. They don't even have to be good. Sometimes "we survived it" is enough.
Create new traditions. If old traditions feel painful or empty, give yourself permission to do something different. Start small, maybe it's a new recipe, a quiet evening at home, or a meaningful activity that feels right for you.
Practice saying no. Start with small things to build the muscle. "No, I can't bring a dish to the party." "No, I can't help with decorating this year." Each no gets a little easier.
Check in with yourself. Throughout the season, pause and ask: How am I feeling? What do I need right now? Am I honoring what matters to me, or just going through the motions?
When Grief Makes the Holidays Harder
If you're navigating the holidays while grieving, please be extra gentle with yourself. There's no "right" way to do the holidays after loss.
Some things that might help:
Acknowledge the absence instead of pretending everything is normal
Talk about the person you're missing if that feels right
Let yourself opt out of traditions that feel too painful
Create a small ritual to honor your loved one
Give yourself permission to feel however you feel whether that’s sad, angry, numb, or even moments of joy
Grief and joy can coexist. Laughing at a family gathering doesn't mean you've forgotten someone. Taking care of yourself isn't disrespectful to their memory.
You Don't Have to Navigate This Season Alone
If you're struggling with anxiety during the holidays, know that support is available. You don't have to white-knuckle your way through the season or wait until January to get help.
Therapy can provide a space to process what you're experiencing, develop strategies for managing family dynamics, practice setting boundaries, and reconnect with what actually matters to you. Whether you're dealing with complicated family relationships, grief, or the pressure to meet everyone's expectations, having support during this time can make all the difference.
At Brighter Days Therapy, I provide anxiety therapy in Houston for adults who are tired of pretending they're fine when they're not. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the holidays or struggling with anxiety at any time of year, therapy can help you find more peace and clarity.
The holidays don't have to be something you just survive. With the right support and tools, you can move through the season in a way that feels authentic to you even if it looks different from everyone else's picture-perfect holiday.
You don't have to do this alone. If you'd like support navigating this holiday season, reach out today to schedule a consultation. Let's work together to help you feel more grounded, less overwhelmed, and more connected to what truly matters.
